J.D. Vance Makes his South Park Debut

"Would you like me to apply the baby oil to Satan’s asshole, boss?"

As tech leaders, media moguls, and banking bigwigs continue to bend the knee to Donald Trump, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone may be the only two billionaires left with the spine to stand up to the president.

Fresh off of signing a $1.5-billion streaming deal with Paramount and days later airing an episode that mocked Trump for having a micropenis — allegedly! — the animated series continues to mercilessly satirize the current administration and its most ghoulish leaders.

On Wednesday, South Park introduced animated versions of two Trumpworld toadies that were only slightly more cartoonish than reality: the episode featured a puppy-shooting Kristi Noem and an obsequious J.D. Vance who eagerly does Trump’s dirty work, no matter how humiliating.

The episode, offered the high-brow title of “Got a Nut,” followed guidance counselor Mr. Mackey, who is fired from his job at South Park Elementary School as a result of government cuts. Desperate to make his monthly “nut,” Mr. Mackey resorts to getting a job with ICE because, well, it’s his only option. (Their slogan? “If you need a job, it's a job to have.” Which isn’t that far off the mark.)

After virtually no screening whatsoever, Mr. Mackey is hired. He undergoes training, which involves watching a single video starring Kristi Noem. “A few years ago, I had to put my puppy down by shooting it in the face, because sometimes doing what’s important means doing what’s hard,” Noem says in the video as she opens fire on an innocent pooch — the first of many canine victims in the episode.

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From there, Mr. Mackey heads to his first ICE raid, at a Dora the Explorer live show, where Dora is arrested (and sent to work as a spa girl at Mar-a-Lago) and Noem kills a service dog. A subsequent raid finds him apprehending people at the gates of heaven. (“If it’s brown, it goes down,” Noem helpfully explains to her agents.)

The episode also features a running gag about Noem’s melting, cosmetically enhanced face reminiscent of The Substance and a subplot in which Cartman becomes a conservative podcaster — or “master debater” — a la Charlie Kirk. (He even gets a stupid haircut.) In a Mar-a-Lago sequence spoofing Fantasy Island, Vance is depicted as Tattoo, the servant played by Hervé Villechaize in the kitschy ABC drama. (At one point, a fawning Vance asks the president,"Would you like me to apply the baby oil to Satan’s asshole, boss?")

“Got a Nut” is unlikely to quell right-wing furor over South Park, which has been raging since the show mocked Trump’s anatomy and implied he was Satan’s lover.

The Comedy Central series is produced in a matter of days, allowing Parker and Stone to respond in real time to current events. It has been brutally mocking politicians and celebrities of all stripes since 1997.

Earlier this week, the Department of Homeland Security posted a still from the episode on its X account in an attempt to get people to apply for jobs. The official South Park account responded by saying, “Wait, so we ARE relevant? #eatabagofdicks.”

While Trump has not yet weighed in on “Got a Nut,” Vance reacted with a tweet Thursday morning: “Well, I’ve finally made it.”

No word yet from Noem, but Parker and Stone may want to keep an eye on their pets.